Jim Yoshii Pile-Up "Silver Sparkler"

While a good percentage of rock music dwells on depression, it rarely manages to zero in on the myriad problems it causes. The usual stock lyric is Me vs. Them and They Just Don’t Get Me. That’s self loathing, which tends to be more of a character flaw than a diagnosed problem. Think the world doesn't understand you? Great. Join the rest of the world in realizing you aren't a snowflake, all we have to do in life is live then die, etc  etc. Actual depression is like a tidal wave you see coming but can’t do anything about. You’re under the waves, but still breathing, and with any luck you can make it to the surface. With simple, unadorned language, The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up encapsulated depression (and specifically bipolar disorder) in their 2005 track “Silver Sparklers”.

Jim Yoshii Pile-Up were around from 1997 til 2006; singer Paul Gozenbach regularly releases similar-sounding records on his bandcamp as a solo artist. Their records didn't make much of a dent outside indie rock circles in their lifetime, and not much has changed since then. They got a little bit of ink when indie music online retailer Insound released a split of them and Xiu Xiu as part of the Tour Support Series. I would never have even heard the band if Insound hadn’t incorrectly linked an MP3 of a Glenn Branca track I had tried to download, instead getting their track "Seattle, WA". Already a fan of Xiu Xiu, I dug deeper and found a handful of MP3s, including “Silver Sparkler”. Their record label, Absolutely Kosher, has gone on hiatus. While MP3s of all their albums are easily available, they seem to be out of print physically.

The title possibly refers to one of the side effects of Lithium, the mood stabilizing drug that can cause hallucinations, among a whole host of other side effects. The narrator seems to be looking back on his life before psychiatric medication, when a fraught relationship threatened to cause irreparable harm. Despite being under heavy medication, a bit of bitterness bubbles to the surface,

They say rats flee sinking ships / I think that you could learn something from rats / ask them in your traps

But maybe that’s just the scars of old bitterness. The song ends with a coda of apologies, taking stock of mistakes and realizing their toll. The old tidal wave is back. Would you rather feel everything or feel  nothing?